Do you think that open adoptions help or prevent birth parents from finding closure?
Sherri
Every situation is unique and I don't really believe there is ever "closure" with adoption, well at least in my case. The word "closure" makes me think of an ending as if our baby has passed on. I believe we place the child so he/she can have the best life possible and they have their whole precious life ahead of them. As time goes on we heal from the loss of placement. If the healing is what is meant from "closure", it depends on how you cope with the loss. I personally feel that leaning on my Heavenly Father, I was comforted throughout that time in my life and while I hurt and suffered greatly, he carried me through it. But the experience didn't end with placement or when I stopped crying every day about it. I think about Savannah often... how she is growing, what she looks like, what her preferences are and what accomplishments she may make. As I will always have a relationship in some capacity with her even if only as a birthmother, I feel there is no "closure". It is something that always be a part of us; and as we and the children we place grow older, the experience grows with us and helps in part to mold our characters. So to answer the question, I don't believe the openness or lack thereof has much to do with the "closure" or healing of the placement itself but rather how you chose to cope with the choice that you made to place at all.
Valerie
Honestly, I think that open adoptions are healthier for us birthmoms. I get asked all the time if having a relationship with my son makes it impossible for me to heal. I don't think that's the case at all. Because I have a relationship with him, I know that he's happy, I know that he's healthy and growing well, I know that his parents love him to pieces, and I know that HE knows that I love him too. I get to tell him that myself! I don't have questions, I'm not left wondering. I don't think I could have placed in a closed adoption, because I would never have been able to fully heal and accept my decision, because I would have had all those questions. So, I think that open adoptions do help give birthmoms closure--in a wonderful, wonderful way.
TJ
I have an open adoption and I would not want it any other way. I guess for each person and each family that varies. In my life I feel that the open adoption has helped me find peace and closure. I never have to wonder if my little boy is happy, or healthy. I don't have to worry about the environment he is in. Being able to see him I can see first hand how happy he is. I get to see the bond between him and his adoptive parents and what a great family they have. Every time I see them together it reconfirms that I made the right choice. It is healing to see how grateful they are to have him in there life and that helps me move on.
Becca
I feel like open adoptions help birth parents find the right closure they need. Even though an adoption is open there can still be limitations to it. My daughter doesn't live in the same state as I do, so I don't have the opportunity of visiting her on a regular basis unlike other birth parents who live in the same state as their child and can visit whenever they wish. It was easier for me to move forward with my life after placement because she wasn't right by me. I lost my maternal instincts fairly quickly and didn't think of her as my own, which were two things that I knew would be healthy for me. I enjoy watching her grow up on her family's blog and by exchanging emails with her parents. I can definitely go and visit, but it's not like I'm making a huge trip every month. It's almost been a year and a half since I've visited her. If you think that you would have a hard time with an open adoption but are unsure, you may consider placing your baby out of state.
I feel like closed adoptions are hard because you never get to see that baby ever again. You don't have the reassurances that you receive from pictures that your baby truly is happy with their parents, that they are in a good home and are being provided for in the best way possible, which is probably why you decided to place. I don't have to visit the blog where I check up on my daughter--that option is just available to me if I want to see her, and I do! It's important to figure out what will be best for you and your baby. Discuss with the adoptive couples you're interested in on what kind of openness they are willing to have with you after placement.
Taneil
I am a firm believer that open adoptions help birthmoms find closure. I have experienced both and have realized how my feelings have shifted. When my adoption was open I was at peace knowing that my son would know me. I was comforted with the fact that I would be able to watch him grow and see all of the things he accomplished as he grew up and I would be able to personally tell him that I love him. Now my adoption is pretty much closed I am filled with questions and uncertainty. The mystery of his life will be hard to cope with. The comfort is hard to find again. I have to work for peace and have had to ask over and over if I made the right decision in placing with his family. When it was open I didn't doubt, I didn't fear. I now have to count on his adoptive mom to tell him that I love him and that I will always love him and in all honestly that scares me a little. So I'm all about open adoptions. I think that, if handled correctly and maturely, they are healthy and beneficial for everyone involved.
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Sherri
Every situation is unique and I don't really believe there is ever "closure" with adoption, well at least in my case. The word "closure" makes me think of an ending as if our baby has passed on. I believe we place the child so he/she can have the best life possible and they have their whole precious life ahead of them. As time goes on we heal from the loss of placement. If the healing is what is meant from "closure", it depends on how you cope with the loss. I personally feel that leaning on my Heavenly Father, I was comforted throughout that time in my life and while I hurt and suffered greatly, he carried me through it. But the experience didn't end with placement or when I stopped crying every day about it. I think about Savannah often... how she is growing, what she looks like, what her preferences are and what accomplishments she may make. As I will always have a relationship in some capacity with her even if only as a birthmother, I feel there is no "closure". It is something that always be a part of us; and as we and the children we place grow older, the experience grows with us and helps in part to mold our characters. So to answer the question, I don't believe the openness or lack thereof has much to do with the "closure" or healing of the placement itself but rather how you chose to cope with the choice that you made to place at all.
Valerie
Honestly, I think that open adoptions are healthier for us birthmoms. I get asked all the time if having a relationship with my son makes it impossible for me to heal. I don't think that's the case at all. Because I have a relationship with him, I know that he's happy, I know that he's healthy and growing well, I know that his parents love him to pieces, and I know that HE knows that I love him too. I get to tell him that myself! I don't have questions, I'm not left wondering. I don't think I could have placed in a closed adoption, because I would never have been able to fully heal and accept my decision, because I would have had all those questions. So, I think that open adoptions do help give birthmoms closure--in a wonderful, wonderful way.
TJ
I have an open adoption and I would not want it any other way. I guess for each person and each family that varies. In my life I feel that the open adoption has helped me find peace and closure. I never have to wonder if my little boy is happy, or healthy. I don't have to worry about the environment he is in. Being able to see him I can see first hand how happy he is. I get to see the bond between him and his adoptive parents and what a great family they have. Every time I see them together it reconfirms that I made the right choice. It is healing to see how grateful they are to have him in there life and that helps me move on.
Becca
I feel like open adoptions help birth parents find the right closure they need. Even though an adoption is open there can still be limitations to it. My daughter doesn't live in the same state as I do, so I don't have the opportunity of visiting her on a regular basis unlike other birth parents who live in the same state as their child and can visit whenever they wish. It was easier for me to move forward with my life after placement because she wasn't right by me. I lost my maternal instincts fairly quickly and didn't think of her as my own, which were two things that I knew would be healthy for me. I enjoy watching her grow up on her family's blog and by exchanging emails with her parents. I can definitely go and visit, but it's not like I'm making a huge trip every month. It's almost been a year and a half since I've visited her. If you think that you would have a hard time with an open adoption but are unsure, you may consider placing your baby out of state.
I feel like closed adoptions are hard because you never get to see that baby ever again. You don't have the reassurances that you receive from pictures that your baby truly is happy with their parents, that they are in a good home and are being provided for in the best way possible, which is probably why you decided to place. I don't have to visit the blog where I check up on my daughter--that option is just available to me if I want to see her, and I do! It's important to figure out what will be best for you and your baby. Discuss with the adoptive couples you're interested in on what kind of openness they are willing to have with you after placement.
Taneil
I am a firm believer that open adoptions help birthmoms find closure. I have experienced both and have realized how my feelings have shifted. When my adoption was open I was at peace knowing that my son would know me. I was comforted with the fact that I would be able to watch him grow and see all of the things he accomplished as he grew up and I would be able to personally tell him that I love him. Now my adoption is pretty much closed I am filled with questions and uncertainty. The mystery of his life will be hard to cope with. The comfort is hard to find again. I have to work for peace and have had to ask over and over if I made the right decision in placing with his family. When it was open I didn't doubt, I didn't fear. I now have to count on his adoptive mom to tell him that I love him and that I will always love him and in all honestly that scares me a little. So I'm all about open adoptions. I think that, if handled correctly and maturely, they are healthy and beneficial for everyone involved.
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